Horror author headshots have quietly become their own genre, complete with a fixed set of clichés: the bare brick wall, the all-black wardrobe, the half-smile that hints at violence. This field guide roasts the lot, explains how Garth Marenghi turned the brooding-author pose into a punchline, then asks why the horror publishing boom has turned every author photo into a marketing asset. With a salute to Chuck Tingle for solving the problem with a pink bag.