The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear by Elle Turpitt

I’ve been in the indie horror community for half a decade now. During that time, I’ve seen many truly awesome people disappear, shutting up review sites or moving their social media away from horror or dropping writing/reviewing/whatever they did completely. It’s sad. Every time it happens. And it’s usually someone from a marginalised group. Usually someone who just can’t fight for a place any longer that should already belong to them, because it’s exhausting.

And yet, we see it all the time.

“Horror is such a great genre. We are such a great community. Look how nice we all are.” I thought that once upon a time, too, and I don’t really blame new folks for falling into this way of thinking, but come on, we’re horror folks. We know the genre. We’ve all seen the trope where some poor schmuck stumbles upon a town that just seems a little too perfect. Until they look under the surface.

I don’t understand why people keep being surprised when yet another bully or bigot or abuser gets unearthed. I mean, sure, there’s usually some red flags. There is, quite frankly, a lot of little signs that are overlooked, but whether it’s through behind-the-scenes behaviour, charm, clout or whatever, these people get away with waving their red flags for a long time before someone is able to stand up and say. “Actually…”. Because here’s the thing; these people know what they’re doing. And they know what they’re doing is wrong. That’s why they’re subtle about it. That’s why they use threats, or surround themselves with more powerful people who, quite frankly, they know they can charm, or they say their absolute worst things over voice notes. Because then they can backpedal and delete with no fear of screenshots.

The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear

None of what we’ve seen in horror in the last six months is new. Not even when it comes to the specific people who have been exposed for the shitstains they really are. In many instances, their behaviour has gone on for years, and there is a trail of broken people left in their wake. They’re clever about it all. They manipulate people, so they can then go “aw, shucks, I didn’t understand the harm I was causing.” Part of the problem is we too easily let the people associated with them off the hook. Not people who may have happened to be in the same anthology, or honestly felt they were dealing with a decent person. But the people who worked with and defended them for years, who alongside the person getting called out, caused actual harm to those who have been targeted.

The truth is, once you have been directly harmed by one of these (most of the time) guys, it becomes a little easier to spot these red flags. There’s also an element of certain behaviours making you feel unsafe around particular people. It can be so incredibly isolating in the face of a community that demands proof. The ‘proof’ isn’t always there. Sometimes because at the time you don’t think, I need to save this for future reference.

Sometimes because it comes through as a voice note that makes you think what the fuck, but you’re not sure how to articulate it, and you deal with the person with kid gloves because you recognise how harmful they can be to you and the community as a whole. And you’ve seen them instigate pile-ons to people they don’t like, and you’ve seen the way they talk about others. It’s a massively damaging experience, and even when men spearhead the ‘call out’, it’s women who put in the labour of gathering what they can and putting it together. Don’t get me wrong, thank Cthulhu for the guys who listen. For those who do help to expose these people. But we’re trapped in a situation where we kind of have to wait for a ‘bigger name’ to recognise something is wrong.

The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear

Some people reading this might know exactly who I am, and exactly what experiences I’m talking about. Others don’t. So, for those who don’t –

Hi. I’m Elle. I run Divination Hollow Reviews. I joined what was then called Dead Head Reviews back in 2019, when it was a single guy posting horror reviews under a Twitter account. He put out a call for reviewers, and I signed on along with (I think at the time) one other person. The team gradually grew. A few months down the line, someone joined Dead Head Reviews, and many of you probably do recognise his name, even if you’re not aware that he was not an original member, not a ‘co-founder’, or anything of the sort

Patrick McDonagh.

I’m not going to go into the amount of stress I dealt with from that point onwards or the labour – emotional and otherwise – I put in, or the breakdowns I started having as I tried to deal with the pandemic hitting, no longer being able to see my partner, the general global climate, all while putting more of my time and energy into the website and the man who would take credit for a lot of hard work put in by myself and others, and trying to keep him placated and explaining why certain things he said weren’t…cool, for lack of a better term.

It was brutal, to put it bluntly. It took a massive toll on me, one I wouldn’t realise until things eventually did explode, and I found myself feeling increasingly alone in the Horror Community, with a very small number of people I felt I could trust. Even then, it was constantly at the back of my mind –

That over the internet, you really don’t know what someone is capable of.

That is just there to give you some background of where I’m coming from. Even outside Horror and the crap we witness regularly, I’d choose the bear. I have a wonderful, loving, supportive cis het male partner, and I would still choose the bear, because one good guy cannot make up for countless bad guys out there.

I have to acknowledge, however, that out of the people who did help and support me and DHR through such a difficult time, a number of them were men. We cannot make the mistake of thinking this is just a male problem. It’s an issue within our culture as a whole, and within horror, that is because of men at its core, definitely, but it feels like too often people ignore that these men are propped up by women.

I don’t think people are comfortable admitting that. Because to admit it means we’re all culpable. We all have a part to play in keeping our community safe. Speak to anyone who has been a victim of a creep, abuser, harasser – whatever general term you want to use for them, and I bet if you really listened, you’d hear the names of women, as well. We all make mistakes. We’ve all supported the wrong person at one time or another. But the truth is, there are more women in the Horror Community who have backed these men more than once than people like to admit. They know what they’re doing. They latch onto women who they think – or even know – will shield them. 

The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear

Yes, some of these women are victims as well – manipulated and pressured and facing their own difficult choices. But that doesn’t apply to all of them. Some know exactly who they are dealing with, and make the choice to keep supporting them, promoting them, encouraging them. Even when they have the ability and platform to, well, not do that.

I think we have to stop leaping down people’s throats the minute something comes out. We have to stop expecting everyone to instantly unfollow or know exactly what’s happening the minute it emerges or to remember the review they scheduled six weeks ago coming out two days after some guy is revealed as an arsehole of the highest order. We have to resist the urge to expect things to happen instantly, especially when there are contracts and money involved.

I’m one of the people who spoke to Gabino Iglesias about my experiences.

It was hard. It’s always hard to go through something then have to talk about and relive it and it brings up the worst kinds of emotions. Here’s the thing though. The person who approached me and said “Gabino is looking into this, can I pass your name on?” was a man. Gabino, who spent a lot of time gathering information, going through it, and all that sort of shit that he absolutely did not have to do is a man.

The people who were there for me when I was trying to sort my head out during the whole thing were men and women. The other people who reached out to let me know, hey, this is being looked into, were men (and yes, it was a case of I am aware, I am talking to someone, at which point they let me know they were there if I needed anything). 

We are so quick to judge sometimes.

It’s like there’s a spark constantly underlying the horror community and the moment it’s ignited, people jump to be the first to yell and shout about how disgraceful it is and to paint themselves as A Good Person. We shouldn’t have to react like this. We shouldn’t feel pressured into speaking out and we shouldn’t feel pressured into making statements.

Sometimes, things are happening in the background that the majority of people aren’t aware of, and other times it really is a case of not wanting to add to the noise. There’s no point in a hundred posts saying the same thing. It doesn’t do anything to help the people who have actually suffered. What does help is action, taking meaningful steps to disengage from these people, rather than placing demands to unfollow or say something when the majority of the time we, as a whole, don’t know who has been impacted or not.

The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear

Stop the performative aspect of it. It gives a feeling that people are just waiting to point fingers. And it gives the people who ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE a chance to put themselves front and centre, to jump up and down and draw attention to themselves because “see, see, I’m a good person, look how good I’m being”. Pay attention to those who actually do something. Who work to promote diversity or to support those who have been harmed or yes, pull out of anthologies or remove people from TOCs when they get all the information.

Look for patterns.

There seems to be such short-term memories in the community, and the fact is, once you’ve dealt with one of these arseholes, you start recognising behaviours. Pay attention to those who are repeatedly caught in bed with the arseholes. Who always defend them, only to backtrack when the tide turns. Yes, allow people to make mistakes. Allow some grace. Stop getting butthurt because someone blocked you – sometimes, it’s literally because you’re cosying up to someone who might just be dangerous in the community.

You might not realise.

That’s fine. Again, mistakes happen. But if you are repeatedly part of these people’s circles, do some damn self-reflection for once. Have a really good think about why these people approach you, or think you’re the type of person who will help them. Sometimes it’s just because you’re an actually good person. Other times it’s because you’ve demonstrated behaviours that make them think you’ll overlook the parade of red flags they march before you.

It’s really hard to know where to even start, because these issues are so insidious within horror. There are decades of misogyny in horror as a genre. This is, after all, an area where rape and sexual assault have become a trope, and are still used way too liberally by writers in an exploitive manner.  This is a genre where, quite frankly, there are men and women who are all too keen to lean into the misogyny, transphobia, racism, fatphobia and the other forms of bigotry that underline the genre.

But what we can do is support people who speak out, challenge people who exhibit red flags, stop supporting people who do, and actually sit down and listen. People are too quick to jump to defending yet simultaneously quick to jump down the throat of people who make simple mistakes. It’s a balancing act that requires grace and being vigilant. The fact is, there are plenty of people, publishers, and writers who are still working, still getting positive attention, and still held up in the community who, quite frankly, either do too little or actively participate in harmful practices.

And make up your own minds

If someone approaches you, and charms you, and you start working closely with them, and the next thing they do is start badmouthing or criticizing folks who you may not have come across, or dealt with, or maybe you’re aware of them and their work but haven’t interacted with them, even if they block you, take a step back. Think about if what this person is telling you matches up to what you see. Really consider the type of language they use, the way they talk about others, and your own instincts.

Yes, sometimes these people will highlight other who ARE problematic, because that’s an ‘in’ for them, but if they start adding on names, if they start telling you this person is A Bad Person, if they badmouth people almost like a habit, or they tell you “if you interact with this person, you are dead to me”, maybe it’s the person you’re talking to who is the problem. Most of us who have been harmed know blocking is the best way to protect ourselves, most of us have been made paranoid enough we don’t go around in DMs and in private chats saying “this person hurt me”, and when we do it’s because we absolutely, 100% trust the people we’re interacting with, or because we know we’re talking to someone who has experienced similar with the same person. 

And if you really aren’t sure about someone, reach out to someone you do trust. Speak to a neutral party. And if you do end up believing someone because you’ve been manipulated, if you’ve contributed to the harm unintentionally, then realise you have work to do to correct that harm, even if it’s from a distance.

There’s a lot of us in Horror who have been through shit.

There’s a lot of us who can give guidance, or suggestions, even if it’s vague. I don’t think we’re ever going to make Horror a completely, utterly safe community, but we can make it a welcoming one, and the first step in that is making sure people feel comfortable coming forward, that people know they are absolutely not alone in this, and that whatever has happened, whether you feel it’s something minor or it’s crossed over into something serious.

Whether it’s harassment or bigotry, whether what you’re picking up on is explicit or just feels wrong, that there is someone they can talk to, that there are those of us who aren’t interested in ‘calling people out’ or bigging ourselves up as A Good Person on social media, that there are many of us just willing to be an ear or offer comfort or reassurance or validation, whatever it is people need.

It’s a long, hard road, but if people are willing to learn and listen, and people are willing to put the work in, as many have already done, we’re not going to make Horror a perfect place to be, but we absolutely can – and we have to – make it A Better Place to be, or we’re going to lose so many more incredibly talented, often marginalised voices who have been made to feel they don’t deserve a place at the table, because this community can’t get its shit together.

Yes, I’d rather meet a bear in the woods, but if I had the backing of a community, if I knew I had people who had my back, I’d at least know I can face down whatever it out there in the shadows, man or bear.

The Bear in the Room, Choosing the Bear

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