The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults by Patrick Barb

We are all a product of our upbringing. Every bit of media we consumed as kids positively or negatively impacted who we are today. Some shows show us that sharing is caring, some should show us that there is wonder in everything. And some should show us that we are all the same despite our superficial differences.  

However, some showed us that the world was scary. I can’t talk about children’s TV shows from around the world, certainly from my childhood. I grew up in an era where we had three TV channels; I know kids, can you imagine that? And I was limited to whatever the BBC or ITV decided to host.  

But amidst this, there were gems like The Red Hand Gang, Monkey, The Singing Ringing Tree, and Sesame Street. A fun fact: I was once banned from watching Sesame Street because I started to speak like Oscar the Grouch. Some of you, especially my family, might argue that not much has changed since my diaper days.

However, children’s TV in the UK during the 70s and 80s was a different kettle of fish.

Fueled by a bunch of creatives of their tits on every drug that was going, decided that it would be a great idea to scare the pants off us. Forget your tame Goosebumps and its ilk; we had The Demon Headmaster, Jigsaw, Children of the Stones, Chocky.

And we can never forget the public safety adverts that left my generation terrified of ponds, electric pylons, the beach, and silage towers.

This brings us to The Children’s Horror – Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults.

The brand-new themed collection from Patrick Barb. Which takes a twisted, horrific and terrifying look at the children’s shows that Patrick Barb watched while his kids grew up. It’s a brilliant idea; kids these days have had it easy, and none of them will ever grow up thinking there is a nun living under their bed.  

Those looking for an easy, basic horror riff on well-known children’s TV shows won’t find that in The Children’s Horror. Patrick Barb doesn’t believe in taking the easy way out. There isn’t a simple story like Elmo tickling kids to death or Dora the Explorer finally being ripped apart by Swiper. Although that would have been a welcome addition to this collection.  

In The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults by Patrick Barb

Patrick Barb offers a thought-provoking exploration of the fears we project onto our entertainment. Though at times challenging and a tad perplexing, his narrative style is a deliberate choice to captivate the reader with its flamboyance and imaginative concepts. Instilling fear with seemingly innocent phrases is a testament to his storytelling prowess.  

For many readers of short fiction, especially those of horror and weird fiction, The Children’s Horror may not offer the detailed explanations they seek. However, the strength of the storytelling and the overall aims of this collection are so robust that the abundance of open-ended and open-beginning stories will still provide a deeply satisfying read. The storytelling strength of The Children’s Horror promises a fulfilling and content reading experience.  

Yes, many of the stories in The Children’s Horror drop the reader right into the action with no explanation about what is going on. But that’s one of the joys of reading The Children’s Horror. Patrick Barb refuses to hold your hand and take you through a straightforward point A to point B story. It’s a book for adults, and it treats its readers as such. Patrick Barb’s ability to find pure, unfiltered dread in the most innocent of situations highlights that this book is for mature readers who like to be emotionally battered on almost every page. With a never-ending sense of terror at being kept on the wrong foot for almost the entire length of the collection.  

Yes, not every story works, and I will admit there were a few that left my head hurting trying to decipher what was going on. And what was the inspiration for the story. However, at no point did I feel that The Children’s Horror wasn’t worth my time within its pages. The writing is of such high quality that it always leads to a satisfying conclusion, making the journey through its pages worthwhile.  

Some of my favourite stories with The Children’s Horror include

The Final Choice of Peter Chu

Some of you, more competent than I, will figure out the inspiration for this story far quicker than I did. Heck, most of you will get it from the title alone. But this dark and relentless tale of a people being forced to battle for our entertainment is a perfect example of Patrick Barb’s wit and stylistic horror writing.  

Your Selkie Lover

I am a sucker for stories involving Selkies, hell a group of them has even killed me in a story by Willie Meikle ( you should hear my theory about Nessie and Selkies). Barb’s entry here is among one of my favourite Selkie stories. Barb aims high with the emotional payoff of this story, and he exceeds any expectation you will have for it.  

Two Rare Specimens

It is a terrifying story about two kids who capture the monster in their closet. Filled with the same level of compassion as Bradbury’s The Halloween Tree. And a wonderfully sly sense of humour, Two Rare Specimens is everything The Monster Squad should have been.

The Shark in Her Belly

If you want a genuinely mindblowing, gore-filled story, look no further than this one. A woman returns from a trip to the beach only to find herself pregnant with a shark baby. Disturbing and thought-provoking, The Shark in Her Belly ultimately proves that horror can be both intellectually challenging and can scare the reader senseless.

The Children’s Horror by Patrick Barb showcases the author’s ability to push the boundaries of horror fiction. Each story in the collection is a testament to this, challenging readers’ expectations and delivering a unique reading experience.  

While not every story in The Children’s Horror is a resounding success, the collection boasts a remarkably high hit rate. This makes it an essential addition to any best-of list of the year, and a must-read for horror fiction enthusiasts.  

The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults by Patrick Barb

Published by Northern Republic 

Keep watching. No matter how weird it gets, DON’T change the channel.

Imagination is a wonderful thing, opening doorways of creativity and possibility. But what about the other doors it can open? The ones revealing twisted passageways of corrupted innocence and unfathomable cosmic nothingness?

In an elementary school auditorium, on a TV set playing weird and sinister versions of today’s popular kids’ TV programs. YOU will experience the dark side of imagination firsthand. The Children’s Horror is a themed short-story collection from horror author Patrick Barb. That presents today’s most-popular kids TV franchises through a darker lens. From cities controlled by dogs to possibly dead children acting as would-be heroes and from infant sharks to the strange fates of written-off sitcom characters. This collection offers must-read thrills perfect for a perfectly unsettling Saturday morning.

Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or a kid at heart, you’ve probably watched some children’s shows wondering what it would be like if things were a little different and a little darker. The time for wondering is over. Come, take a seat, the TV is on and the children have something they want you to see.

Praise for The Children’s Horror

“What Robert Coover does for (and to) classic film in A Night at the Movies, Barb does for children’s TV here. This is childhood programming warped and deformed to reveal its true dark core. But also cross-pollinated with other genres in ways that make it startling, unsettling and revelatory.” —Brian Evenson, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight

“The Children’s Horror is at turns gruesome and horrifying, wacky and weird. But always wholly original and boundlessly creative.” —Emma Berquist, author of Devils Unto Dust and Missing, Presumed Dead

“Patrick Barb is a deranged Mr. Rogers, dragging you into an uncanny valley where childhood whimsy meets unsettling horror. This collection is a treasure chest teeming with terrifying retellings that will leave you begging for your night light.”
-Brian McAuley, author of Candy Cain Kills and Curse of the Reaper

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