Childhood Fears by T.R. Slauf
“What’s wrong with your brain?”
“How do you come up with this crap?”
“Doesn’t it scare your spouse to know you think this stuff up?”
Writing horror and dark fantasy opens one up to a lot of comments. Well, actually being any type of author or artist does, but this specific post is about penning horror.
When crafting tales meant to scare, terrify, or disturb, one needs to have some sort of vat to draw inspiration and ideas from. Where authors get said ideas is a valid question, a natural curiosity for those who do not share our specific creative pursuits. So, where do my ideas come from?
Many people assume it’s from a perversion (those people are rather annoying, and I tend not to respond to them), but childhood fears are the second assumption. But why? Perhaps it’s because children, small and fragile creatures, innocent and vulnerable as they are, also have grand imaginations. These imaginations can be used for fantastical daydreams but can also produce terrible nightmares. Some lucky individuals even have childhood fears so grand they become entrenched into our psyche, thus following us into adulthood.
So, what are my childhood fears, and how do they shape my writing? If at all ….
As a child, I was haunted by my own vivid nightmares and fantastical daydreams. Many of which were fuelled by movie characters such as Gollum. Others were classic cases of clowns and spiders. If, like me, eight-legged crawlers are an unwelcome sight to you, rest assured my novels will always be free of them. I am still far too afraid of to write about them! Clowns and slimy creatures eating raw fish are fair game, though.
While my novels feature monsters and demons, these are not the sources of horror, terror, or disturbia in my works. Yes, monsters and beasts are terrible and seem insurmountable, but true fear lives far closer to the human condition. The things that happen in real life, the stories that haunt our news that true fear.
One childhood fear I did not mention above was immobility. I was frequently visited by nightmares where my body was frozen, meanwhile I could hear and feel everything happening around me, my vision however, was always blurry. In short, sleep paralysis.
In these dreams, I remained utterly helpless as I was engulfed by overgrown arachnids, or giants walked across my chest, restricting my breath. To this day I am utterly terrified of being unconscious, ie a coma or other, where I can hear and feel what’s happening but unable to move my own body. The root of this fear still haunts me, still occupies my turbulent thoughts, and is a persistent theme in my novels.
Helplessness.
Being at the complete and unrelenting mercy of the world around you.
Being unheard, ignored, and defenceless.
Because being helpless in a world of monsters hidden in plain sight, is utterly unnerving, leading to some of the most heinous depravity at the hands of your fellow humans.
While the human condition can lead to insurmountable joy and unconditional love, it can also be cruel and unrelenting. There have been many times in my life I have felt like this. Small, unheard, ignored, and helpless in my own life. And I believe this is something we can all relate too. We were all children at one time, we have all been harmed or wronged in some way, some more than others. But it is this universal suffering, this universal human condition, that is both relatable and terrifying.
Many seek to sweep this suffering under the proverbial rug. To put on false smiles and pretend all is well and their lives and that of their families, are perfect. Nothing terrible ever happens behind their closed doors. In my stories, I often drag this depravity to the forefront. Not for the joy of it, but because that is what nags at my mind. These thoughts, these nightmares, these memories, are the clouds hanging above my head following my every move, staining my every thought.
In many ways my writing became a cathartic release for them without my knowing it.
Most recent publication
The Rabbit Man: A Collection of Short Terrors & Flash Fiction
When crafting ‘The Rabbit Man’, I entwined fantasy with the brutal realities of the human condition. Taking calculated risks in pushing the line, I aimed to showcase that true horror is delt at the hands of fellow humans. True horror is not always monsters and dark shadows, it is what happens all around us behind closed doors.
This novel is a collection of entwined short stories with easter eggs hidden throughout the pages.
BOOK BLURB:
The Fanciful, The Terrible, & The Macabre
From killers in masks, to a haunted car wash, to a demon hunting cat, The Rabbit Man is a collection of short terrors and flash fiction. Come along to hunt witches, stalk killers, and exact vengeance in a web of tales befitting your worst nightmares and most haunting daydreams.
T.R. Slauf
I have always been torn between two halves of myself; one half revels in all things scientific and longs to explore the secrets of the universe, while the other half finds solace and excitement within the arts. When it came time to choose a college degree, I put aside my creative hobbies and perused a career path in biochemistry. For me, college was an expensive privilege, thus I decided a degree within STEM was the most logical route for my costly investments. Through my years in college, I still tried to enjoy the arts, reading novels and drawing in my sketchbooks when time permitted.
Five long years later, I graduated from Michigan State University with a Bachelor of Science in biochemistry and molecular biology. I immediately began working full time in an academic research lab, it was miserable. I quickly grew weary and depressed in the toxic and hostile work environment created by our supervisor. I began interviewing for other jobs and exploring my creative hobbies again when my congenital heart condition required me to have another open-heart surgery.
In the months before my operation, I became determined to finish my first novel; I had started and abandoned several over the years. Once I was well enough, I continued writing during my recovery. Nine months after my operation, I left my job at the research lab and invested more of myself in my novel. It wasn’t an easy transition, and it did not happen over-night, but I decided to start a new career as a novelist.
Now I am happily living in the city of Cincinnati with my spouse and am proud to share my novels with you! I hope you enjoy reading these stories as much as I enjoyed bringing it to life. I look forward to sharing many more stories with you in the future.
WEBSITE LINKS
My website: https://www.trslauf.com/
Goodreads Profile: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20450645.T_R_Slauf
Amazon Author Profile: https://www.amazon.com/stores/T.R.-Slauf/author/B0893QBHMJ?ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true
