Agoraphobia, Overcoming it Through Writing by Lee Mitchell

Agoraphobia, Overcoming it Through Writing by Lee Mitchell

My struggles with agoraphobia began when I was in high school. I didn’t know back then that I was suffering from panic attacks; all I knew was that the kids around me could be cruel, and sometimes it would become so overwhelming that I would start crying and couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I left class a lot, feigning one illness or another so I could hide in the nurse’s office for an hour or two at a time. When the nurse began refusing my retreats, I began refusing to go to school. I went from being a nearly straight-A student to taking my GED, simply because I couldn’t handle high school social dynamics.

Agoraphobia is difficult to explain to people who’ve never experienced it. For me, it’s not quite a fear of open spaces as much as it is a fear of having to interact with an overwhelming type or number of people within those open spaces. It’s an aversion to forced social situations and a sense of dread over the possibility of encountering others who might be inconsiderate, misconstruing or downright hostile. There’s a sense of safety at home, mostly because that’s where I have the most control over your environment (and company). But there’s a caveat: home can eventually become the only place that feels safe, and that’s when the risk of becoming housebound comes into play.

Being housebound is much like I’d assume house arrest feels like. You want to be included in normal social events, but you just… can’t. You want to be a part of the rest of the world, but for whatever reason, you also feel the need to hide from it. Days pass by, then weeks, maybe even months and years, and suddenly you realize one day that you’ve been in this self-imposed isolation for so long, you can’t even imagine what life might look like outside your comfortable little hell. Breaking out is terrifying. It means facing your greatest fears every day, suffering through too many panic attacks to count, and somehow still having the energy to keep moving in productive directions and reaching for your goals.

I’ve yet to see a realistic depiction of agoraphobia in a book, film or TV show. Other writers tend to paint us as paranoid hermits who are fearful of the outdoors and suddenly can’t see straight when we look outside. While it’s true that I still have a hard time leaving my front door, the big issue is uncertainty over the destination beyond. Even at my worst (housebound for eight months), I enjoyed fresh air in my backyard and even ran out front to get the mail when I was sure no one else was within view. Even more, you can’t define an agoraphobe by their fear of populated spaces any more than you might define yourself by your fear of spiders, clowns or (fill in the blank). Everyone has at least one phobia that seems completely irrational to others. For reference, I think others’ fear of spiders and the like is pretty silly and even have a beloved pet black widow (her name is Natasha).

Agoraphobia can also make reaching out through social media difficult. Fears of misreading others or creating faux pau can make the online world nearly as terrifying as the in-person one. Still, if living with my phobias has taught me anything, it’s that I’m a fighter. I continue to face my fears on a regular basis, and I’m still standing.

And I’m still writing.

Lee Mitchell

Office worker by day, science fiction and horror writer by night, Lee Mitchell reaches out through their stories to generate new approaches to old questions about the human condition. Their work reflects a dichotomy of darkness and hope, such as the world we live in, exploring good and evil through their love of the written word. Their world view might seem a little different to most—Lee believes in magic and marvels and miracles—but no one can deny the wonder they leave in their wake.

The Divine Darkness by Lee Mitchell

The Divine Darkness: A mysterious apocryphal event transforms nearly everyone on Earth, shaping them according to their worst fears or their most profound beliefs. The streets become inundated with vampires, werewolves, spontaneously combusting humans, and other horrors—all while winged beings rise to the top of the new order, ready to exterminate anyone who threatens their faith.

Circumstances propel two seemingly random strangers to the frontlines. Randy Thomas has an epiphany that inspires him to raise a fervent army of true believers. Alisha Brown finds herself the target of vengeful creatures, while random strangers begin to worship her in awe.

Each has been touched by the hand of fate, and each believes they are humanity’s last hope. But when the laws of reality no longer apply, and no one can trust even their own eyes, belief can become a funny thing…

Trilogy link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CKWXPYVV

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