Dani Soncasie Is Stuck in a Horror Franchise

Hide well, trust nobody and keep something heavy within reach.

Dani Soncasie Is Stuck in a Horror Franchise | Features

Dani Soncasie, the comic creator behind the vampire graphic novel Blood of the Forsaken, has already told us about the horror that made her and sorted the genre into the good, the bad and the ugly. Now we have dropped her into a horror franchise to see if she makes it out. She picks the house she would rather be hunted in, the masked killer she fancies her chances against, and the creature she wants nothing to do with. Then she builds her own Mystery Inc., hosts Pinhead for the evening and spends three wishes from the Wishmaster. Here is how she plans to survive.

Dani Soncasie cannot run, so she hides, waits and fights dirty with whatever is to hand. She trusts nobody, would back herself against Ghostface, and knows a Xenomorph is a fight nobody wins. Her real horror plan is simple: survive till sunrise, then go and write the Mayfair Witches properly.

Dani Soncasie, you wake up and find yourself in a horror franchise. What franchise would you prefer to wake up in, and why?

Ready or Not. Hands down.

Look, I can’t run. Like, at all. So right out of the gate, most horror movies are going to present a problem for me.

But you know what I CAN do? Hide.

I am REALLY good at hiding.

I also used to box, I can handle myself pretty well, and I have a decent pain tolerance.

More importantly, my brain is basically programmed to function better in high-adrenaline, extreme situations. That’s one of the stranger side effects of growing up with chronic pain and significant childhood trauma: when everything suddenly goes completely to hell, my brain gets very calm and very practical.

Put me in a normal stressful situation and I might overthink it for three days. Put me in an actual emergency where everyone else is panicking? Suddenly I’m completely focused.

And most importantly, I trust NOTHING.

Someone in that house tells me, “You’re safe in here”? Nope.

“We’re trying to help you”? Absolutely not.

“This is all just a misunderstanding”? Great. You can explain the misunderstanding from over there while I continue hiding with something heavy in my hand.

So give me Ready or Not. I don’t have to outrun the Le Domas family. I just have to outthink them, stay hidden, fight when I absolutely have to, and make it until sunrise.

Then I get to watch rich people explode. I like my odds.

You find yourself as the “Final One”. Which monster or villain would you most like to go up against, and why do you think you would survive?

Ghostface.

Listen, I am not fighting anything supernatural. I know my limitations. Give me a regular human being in a Halloween costume.

Also, Ghostface falls down A LOT.

I’m sorry, but he does.

I’m not particularly fast, so I’m not going to waste energy running around screaming while he chases me through a house. I’m hiding. I’m waiting. And when he comes looking for me, we’re going to have a very different kind of conversation.

I’m a fighter, I’m menopausal, and I’m ANGRY. I also firmly believe that anything can be a weapon if you’re sufficiently motivated. Lamp? Weapon. Coffee mug? Weapon. Random decorative object that absolutely should not be used as a weapon? We’re about to find out.

And then there’s the fact that I have a titanium and fiberglass leg, and I can personally guarantee that being kicked with it does NOT feel like rainbows and fluffy clouds.

And, as previously established, I trust absolutely no one.

That last part feels particularly useful in a Scream movie.

Everyone is a suspect. Your boyfriend? Suspect. Best friend? Suspect. Sweet person who just showed up to make sure you’re okay? SUPER suspect. If you’ve somehow wandered into my house during a Ghostface killing spree and I didn’t specifically invite you there, congratulations: you’re Ghostface until proven otherwise.

And here’s the thing about Ghostface: underneath that mask is still a person. They get hurt. They get tired. They make mistakes.

So I don’t have to be faster than Ghostface.

I just have to be meaner when they finally find me.

And which creature would you least like to go up against?

A Xenomorph. Absolutely not.

Everything I just said about Ghostface? Throw it out the window.

I can’t outrun it. Hiding is questionable because apparently these things can get into ANYTHING. I can’t wait around a corner and beat the hell out of it because its BLOOD IS ACID. Even my “anything can be a weapon if you believe” philosophy has some pretty serious limitations when stabbing the monster creates an entirely new problem.

And have you SEEN those things?!

No.

I know when I’m outmatched.

If I wake up and discover I’m in Alien, I’m not the Final Girl. I’m part of the opening exposition explaining why everyone else should be concerned.

You find yourself in Scooby Doo. Which character are you, and who would you most like to have as the other members of Mystery Inc.?

I’m Velma. There is absolutely no question about this.

I’m the one who needs to know WHY. I’m going to research the history of the creepy house, look up who owned the property in 1847, figure out who died there, cross-reference three completely unrelated things that everyone else thinks I’m insane for connecting, and then become deeply annoyed when nobody listens to me until I turn out to be right.

Also, I wear glasses and can’t see shit without them, so apparently the casting department has already made its decision.

But if I get to build my own Mystery Inc.? Now we’re having fun.

Give me Sidney Prescott from Scream. She’s survived enough nonsense that very little is going to rattle her, and she knows better than to assume the danger is over just because somebody appears to be dead.

I want Grace from Ready or Not, because she’s resourceful, thinks on her feet, and by the end of that movie has completely run out of fucks to give.

Give me Ash Williams from Evil Dead, because every group needs at least one person whose response to the supernatural is essentially, “Fine. I’ll kill it.”

And Scooby stays. I’m not replacing the dog. I’m not a monster.

Although we’re bringing snacks, because I’m pretty sure Scooby and I are both going to need emotional support food while the other three deal with whatever horrible thing I just discovered in the basement.

Pinhead pops round for an evening of fun. What are your pains and pleasures?

First of all, Pinhead is going to be VERY disappointed in me.

I have chronic pain. Pain is not mysterious or exotic to me. It’s Tuesday.

So if he shows up promising me “pain beyond anything I’ve ever experienced,” I’m probably going to ask whether he has anything else in the box.

My actual pains? People who chew with their mouths open. Willful ignorance. Being talked down to. People who refuse to admit they’re wrong even when the evidence is sitting directly in front of them. Technology that worked perfectly yesterday and has suddenly decided we’re enemies. And getting comfortable in bed only to realize I left something I need on the other side of the room.

THAT is suffering.

My pleasures are much simpler: writing, creating something that didn’t exist before I sat down that morning, really good horror, getting completely lost in research, makeup and special effects, laughing until I can’t breathe, my cat actually letting me sleep, and my family cleaning up after themselves without being asked.

You know, fantasies.

Also, proving someone wrong.

I’m not going to pretend I’m above it. It’s delightful.

So Pinhead and I can hang out, but I’m not touching the puzzle box.

As previously established, I trust NOTHING.

The Wishmaster gives you three wishes. With the first, you can write in any franchise you like. Which one do you choose?

The Mayfair Witches. More specifically, I want to write an ACTUAL Mayfair Witches series.

Whatever AMC is doing with Anne Rice’s work… I have questions.

A lot of questions.

I love that world, I love the history, the family mythology, the generational horror, the occultism, the sheer gothic weirdness of it all. There is SO much there to work with, and I would happily disappear into that universe for years.

Give me the Mayfairs, the family secrets, the witches, the history, the ghosts, the dysfunction, and the deeply questionable decisions.

I know what to do with them.

With the second wish, you can wipe one franchise from everyone’s mind. Which one goes?

Anything AMC “Anne Rice.”

All of it.

There is nothing Anne Rice about any of it.

BLASPHEMY!

Blasphemy, I say!

And yes, I realize I just used Wish #1 to demand that someone let me write The Mayfair Witches and Wish #2 to erase the existing adaptation from everyone’s memory.

These wishes are related.

I have a plan.

With the third wish, you can date your horror crush. Who do you choose?

Ethan Chandler from Penny Dreadful.

Have you SEEN Josh Hartnett as Ethan Chandler?

He’s tall. Broad shoulders. That dark hair. Those ridiculous smoldering, brooding, puppy-dog eyes. The man somehow manages to look dangerous, sad, protective, and like he desperately needs a hug all at the same time. Those dimples!

And then you add the whole rugged, gun-toting American sharpshooter thing?

Yeah. I’m not going to sit here and manufacture some deeply intellectual explanation for this.

He’s really hot.

Oh, and he’s a werewolf.

Apparently that wasn’t a dealbreaker.